Although your marriage may not be the best right now, there IS still hope. When you say ‘my wife wants to leave me’, you are asking for help. How can you possibly stop someone from doing what they want to do?
You can’t tell her ‘no, you can’t leave’, but you CAN say ‘I don’t want you to leave because….’
You can’t barricade the doors and windows, but you CAN give her some space. A timeout, if you will.
If you haven’t done so already, try to talk to her about WHY she wants to leave. Quite often, responses will be: I just need space, I’m not in love with you anymore, I want my freedom, I’m sick of being stuck’, etc.
These are all just empty excuses. What they all have in common is this: I have no idea why I want to leave.
Maybe she doesn’t feel loved anymore. When two people are married, they stop showing love for each other the way they used to. The two of you may have fallen into this ‘rut’.
Maybe she is feeling depressed – has she put on weight, or found a grey hair or two? if she is getting depressed about her appearance, she may say she wants to leave because she thinks that being somewhere else will make her feel better.
It won’t, but she will find that out. Not only will she be upset about her appearance, but she will miss you.
Take some time to talk to her. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that you are trying to understand what is going on, and that you want to help her.
Have you tried marriage counselling? It can be done with only one person at first – you will learn how to look for signs of trouble, and you will learn how to fix things.
Your wife may be going through a midlife crisis. If this is the case, it may be best to give her the time and space she wants. I’m not saying to let her move out and end your marriage – it will give her some quiet time to really think about what she wants to do.
While she’s with you, and constantly surrounded by things that remind her of you, she won’t be able to think about anything else. If she is out of those surroundings, she will start to remember why you got married.
When she lets herself remember the good times in your marriage, she will start to miss you. She will start to show the love that she did before. A little time apart can do wonders for both of you.
One VERY important thing to remember…
Do NOT lose yourself while she is trying to sort things out. In other words, do not just sit in the house trying to think of what she is doing or thinking.
You are an amazing person. Go to the gym or park, go out to eat somewhere, call up an old friend, or visit relatives for a while. Take this time to reconnect with yourself, as corny as that may sound.
When you do that, you will not only feel better, but enough time will have passed that your wife has decided that maybe the two of you should NOT be apart, and she would like to try again.