It has been total devastation after hearing about your wife’s shocking confession of marital infidelity. The mental and emotional anguish of it has propelled you to a new level of rage and jealousy. Your testosterone, adrenaline and blood pressure levels have risen to new heights, and your life is like a psychological thriller. But countless sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, and bad thoughts is simply no way to live. How can you get over this, or even make a decision to forgive, forget, leave or stay when you cannot get the images of your wife’s betrayal out of your mind? Every time you look at her, you see them- together. He is in your place, with your wife, the other half of you. This is obviously a scene you would rather not have on repeat. So how do you get these distorted images out of your head?
Acceptance
The reality of the matter is it happened. There is nothing you can do to deny that it didn’t. No matter how visual or explicit the images are, it was your wife, and the other man. The truth is the truth. Do yourself a favor and do not ask her for any vivid details. Hopefully there is not any physical evidence to support your dilemma, e.g. text messages, videos, pictures.
Forget the Other Man
Moving on would be easier to deal with if the man is not anyone that you know! In that respect, avoid asking her who the other man was. On the other hand, if he is indeed someone that is close to you, she should confess it to you. This information will aid you in making your decision. Whether he is an acquaintance or not, do not make the mistake of comparing yourself to her transgression. It will help if you think of him as a complete stranger, no matter what he may have been to your wife. Yes, this thought process is easier said than done, but it will prove to be effective.
Put Your Ego in Check
As simple as it sounds, think of this man as an ex-boyfriend. After all, if you were not your wife’s first love, she already had ex-lovers to compare you to. Also, if the affair was not sexually driven but emotional, the images will easier to dismiss. Concentrate on fixing or improving what she said you were missing from her instead of just the sexual offense.
Eventually you would have to make a decision to leave or stay. If you are looking at this betrayal spiritually, the Bible does state that sexual infidelity is the only valid reason for a couple to divorce. But if you decide to stay, you must fight the good fight of faith. Marriage is not to be entered in lightly, and neither should divorce. However, it takes a strong, loving man to stay committed after such a tragic event.
