Am I Lonely Or Do I Really Want To Be Married

Am I Lonely Or Do I Really Want To Be Married

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Gen. 2:18

God, Himself, said that it’s not good for man to be alone.

Now, let me place myself into the text and the period in which it is written. God had created every beast, fowl, and creeping thing and brought them to Adam to name. God saw that there was not one that could be an help meet for Adam. He placed Adam into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs and made a woman. God brought her to Adam and Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” The text goes on to record that they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Let me first address that the revelation I received, as it may be a tremendous help to men around the world – instead of searching so intently for a woman, be busy about the job God has for you to do. Adam didn’t even recognize how lonely he was or how “bad it was to be alone” because he was too busy naming animals, fowls of the air, and creeping things. God brought woman to Adam when He felt it was time to do so. Adam recognized her for who she was immediately, and from that moment they were man and wife.

Now before the “wifey” thing, all that was around Adam were beasts, fowl, and creeping things. So, I have to believe women who are raising children when they say, “I’m in need of adult conversation”. It was by this same token God felt that it was not good for Man to be alone. Adam was not lonely; he had the company of all the animals, nature, and even God himself who visited him in the garden at times. But, he was alone.

Lonely is defined as remote from other habitations or dwelling places. Alone is defined as apart from or to the exclusion of other persons or things; solitary; single. At first glance I look at lonely and think that we’ve been using the word incorrectly but, then I think again and realize that when you are in love with someone you do feel at home with them, you’re extremely comfortable with them, and all masks are removed; and to be void of that is to be remote from a place called home. Lonely can also be defined as a homeless heart. Hmmm…I like that. Now, there is a difference between lonely (a homeless heart) and being alone (being single). Moreover, God said it was not good for man to be ‘single’. He did not say that it was not good for man to have a homeless heart; the reason being because Adam’s heart had a home with God. So another revelation for me is that if I find myself feeling lonely, then I need to check my connection with God, not try to fill it with a woman’s embrace, or the smell of her perfume, or in the sound of her giggle.

As we explore this issue of man being alone, we must take into account that Adam was the first man in the world, and the world needed to be populated. Now that it has been populated, being alone just isn’t what it used to be. There are men’s groups and women’s groups, there are people who have the same hobbies as you do, and there are family, friends, and co-workers. So being alone now is not as it was for Adam; you’re never alone unless you chose to be. What makes it so difficult to maintain singleness is the way we are bombarded by images from a consumer-based society that deems you incomplete unless you’re with a mate. Love stories, commercials with lovers, and holidays for couples all add to the pressure to find a significant other. I’m not saying that it is a bad thing to be involved with a partner, but we have to consider the alarming rate of divorce in this country. It could be attributed to consequence that these people made too rash of a decision to get together–and for what? To have children and then separate and cause their offspring to have more of a warped view of what marriage is? Furthermore, speaking of marrying to have children, there are millions of abandoned children that could use a parent to love them as their own. Who’s loving them?

I have developed a more realistic view of marriage because I have repeatedly watched family and friends divorcing and ending vows made to each other and to God. We have to go back to the old days. We’re dating and rehearsing marriage and then when the marriage is actually here, we’re expecting something greater, when it’s only what it was before the ceremony. The big thrill, the learning of each other, the need to cling to each other would be there if you didn’t rehearse all of that by dating. Dating should be merely friends – male and female – going out doing things together in single-hood; taking the time out to learn about the opposite sex, in a non-threatening atmosphere, where dialogue and understanding can take place to make each more informed as to what to expect and how to be more appealing to their future mate. So how do you know if you should marry this person or not if you don’t date them and get to know them? Place your heart in God so that it’s not homeless, be busy in God’s assignment for your life, and let Him present you to each other when the time is right.

Do I really want to be married or am I lonely? I will no longer be lonely because my heart will no longer be homeless. Additionally, I only want to be married if that is what God has planned for my life. Meanwhile… let me be busy about my Father’s business.

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