Why I Have Never Kissed A Girl

I have lived for a while now and every now and then, a lady asks kiss me the QUESTION. Have you ever smooched? Sometimes with a smile I respond truthfully, NO! I have heard the laughs and chuckles at that answer. Someone is probably falling off their chair right now with laughter.

I will refer to one particular incident that happened a couple of years ago. A gorgeous young lady (and I have met quite a number of them) offered to basically bring that state of existence to an end. I remember it was sometime in the night and the invitation was via text. She described in graphic detail what she would do to my lips- both the lower and upper lip.

Funny enough, my mind didn’t get what she was talking about the first time until I read the text a number of times… It was that serious. I perhaps wondered what food she was referring to. Anyway, I was very honest and told her I wouldn’t. Of course I expected the next thing she said, “You are a coward.”

I knew she would try to play on “a man’s ego” but I had no need to prove my masculinity then and I have since come to decide that I shouldn’t prove it now. SO, I NEVER TRY TO PROVE THAT I AM NOT A COWARD.

Anyway, others wonder if it has anything to do with my faith and the answer most assuredly is No.

Actually, for me it’s not a question of right or wrong because a lot of people can argue for or against it adequately that if I took any of the two positions, I would probably be convinced that there is nothing wrong with it or in fact that there is.

So, I will say this again, for me, this isn’t a question of RIGHT or WRONG.

I think the lack of self-control in one area can potentially affect other areas. It’s important to say NO to what you want, it grows your strength.

So, what is it all about? Well, it’s really about some of the following things:

It’s a matter of EXERCISING my self-control muscle; developing strength to say NO to what I want. I have come to the conclusion that giving into everything we want; even if it’s not necessarily a bad thing affects your NO muscle negatively.

I think the lack of self-control in one area can potentially affect other areas. It’s important to say NO to what you want, it grows your strength.

In other words, I am working at being in charge of my desires and feelings. My body has to learn to submit to my will. I do not want to let it lead me.I want to continue learning to lead it.

The other reason is equally simple. My goal, challenging as it is; is to only sleep with the woman I will say I do to. Yes, I am that guy that believes in sex within the confines of marriage. But what has smooching got to do with it? Well, here is how I look at it.

Chances are no one jumps straight to the sex. It starts with pushing the boundaries just a little further. Soon, I may not be content with the smooching so what’s the next boundary I may push? I do not necessarily depend on strength or spirituality on this particular matter. I learned from a strong man Samson and a spiritual man David that sometimes the best way out is what Joseph did- run!Even more to try as much as possible to NOT put myself in difficult circumstances in the first place.

So no, it’s got nothing to do with being strong. I say this because all too often, those who discover this side of me often erroneously compliment me by attributing strength to me which I wholeheartedly deny.

“But how will you know you are good?” She asked me. [We are back to kissing by the way]. I thought about that question. You know the whole “practice makes perfect” thing?

Well, firstly, there is only one way to find out the answer to that question. And I choose not to find out now. Secondly, I will have years to “practice and perfect” so I am not in a hurry. And this leads me to the other thing I am trying to weave into my life:

Delayed gratification: Having something now is almost always more attractive than having it in some distant future. So, in saying no to smooching, I am just trying to exercise this principle of delayed gratification.

The other reason is that being the greatest kisser the world has ever known is none of my aspirations. But even more I am trying to avoid having so many points of comparison.

The day I will lock lips with my wife, I do not want to see images of 9 other women flash in my head in rapid succession and perhaps even get to compare her to the others. You see if seh (wifey) is the only experience then the answer to questions like is she a great kisser or is she good in bed will have one answer. YES. Why? Because I will have no one to compare her to and that in a practical sense will mean I will miss nothing.

The day I will lock lips with my wife, I do not want to see images of 9 other women flash in my head in rapid succession and perhaps even get to compare her to the others.

But then, as some have asked me; “What if you end up marrying someone who has crossed these lines?” My answer again is simple. This isn’t really about her, it’s about me- the kind of man I hope to be.

There you have it. There are my reasons… nothing really to do with right or wrong. It’s just a way for me to exercise restraint and I like that. I sincerely hope that I can tattoo these reasons in my head and in my heart so much so that I will have the sense to walk away from a potentially “fatal” situation.

I wrote this knowing that this isn’t easy and I am always praying that by God’s grace, I will be able to live the realities of such aspirations.

Please do leave a comment if you can. I would like to know what you think.